‘Cross season in 140 characters

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Emily getting creative for those of us with short….hey a pony!

Cyclocross is well-suited to those with short attention spans. The national champion agrees. He has ADD, and says his weapon in ‘cross is being able to concentrate for the duration of the race.

Think about it: within a 60-second span in a ‘cross race, you can ascend two nearly impassable hills, dismount your bike and run over multiple obstacles, ride through a sandbox and power-slide through about 20 turns, all the while trying to stay upright through ice, mud and ruts. Even with all those things to concentrate on, my mind will wander everywhere from the type of pedal the girl in front of me rides to… what was I saying?

In recognition of this sport that caters to the attention deficit, and an era that rewards the same, here is a recap of my season, each race report wrapped up in under 140-characters, with gratuitous hashtags and terrible puns — some of which I came up with mid-race while attempting to dissociate from the excruciating pain I was causing myself.

Pikes Peak Velo Campus Cross

#TGICyclocrossSeason

Kick It CX Festival and TT

My first love (cyclocross) and my worst enemy (time trials) join forces to glorious results #CrossContamination

Boulder CX Series #1 — Valmont Park

Won yesterday’s TT that supposedly determined call-ups, yet somehow got last call-up. Then got stung by a wasp during the race. #BadToWorse

Boulder CX Series #2 — Xilinx

Dustfest #MuddySnotRockets

Frisco CX

Started with Katie Compton in my first race as a Cat. 3. Didn’t get lapped, less than 5 mins down. #CrossedOffTheBucketList #SmellsLikeKFC*

*This may be too obscure. The national champion — currently the top-ranked woman cyclocross racer in the world — Katie Compton’s nickname is KFC, for Katie Effin Compton, as in when you show up to a race thinking you’re going to do well, then you realize that Katie Effin Compton showed up

USGP SmartWool Cup day 1


Dry race, raining and muddy the rest of the day while I stood at the venue coaching Boulder Junior Cycling juniors and waiting for the elite race #WorstOfBothWorlds #MudFestAndNoInviteUSGP SmartWool Cup day 2Don’t drink the water #IllegalHandUp #AlmostDQd #ReadYourRaceBible

Colorado Cross Classic

Sunrise reflected off the mountains and then reflected into the Boulder Res as I raced along the sandy banks #TotallyTubular

Boulder Cup

Wanted to race in Mexican wrestler mask to celebrate Halloween, but opted for full vision in stead #CrossDressin

Schoolyard Cross

DFL>DNF>DNS #PedestrianCrossing — Still recovering from last weekend’s post-race bonk. Respect the 30-minute rule. #CrossFade

USGP Derby City Cup day 1 in Louisville, KY

#CrossPolinated the Kentucky field. #ChickenCrossedTheRoad

USGP Derby City Cup day 2 in Louisville, KY

Spent more time packing and unpacking bikes than I did racing. A lot more. Wish it counted as chamois time. #CrossCategorize

Boulder CX Series #4 — South VBP

Maybe doing Valmont Park backwards has turned the world on its axis and that’s why there’s no winter. It’s late November and I’m not wearing knee sox because it’s too hot. #HotCrossBuns

Big Ring Cycles CX

Girl I passed in final 30 secs of the race: “I almost puked trying to hold you off.” Krispy Kreme hand-up, Naked mimosas and Shit Show Hill

Cyclo-X Louisville

Feared DFL at BOD CX. Considered DNF. VO2 maxed. FML #CrossWordPuzzle

Season ain’t over yet! There’s still states in the open field. States and I don’t have a great history, as I got friendly with the pavement last year, but it wasn’t very friendly back.

Also, I was insane enough to register for the elite national championships. The points predictor has me third-to-last, in front of one girl who I have only beaten once.

Tubie continued…