The moment you’ve all been waiting for….an open letter from Sexy Beast.
I have been accused of not being very nice to a certain member of mountain goat status on our team in the past. In fact people claim that I, Amanda Cyr, have written negative statements about us not being friends on this blog. They make me out to be such a bad person and that I have no reason at all to feel so victimized by before mentioned person. I feel like since I am too chicken to race cyclocross and therefore can not write any race reports I should offer up a piece of evidence into the case of Mean Mama Madison vs. Amanda St. Cyr.
It was a late, 5:30p.m to be exact, Wednesday evening when I received a text message from the plaintiff regarding my attendance in her spin class on the next morning. I explained to the plaintiff that her class was so early, 6:45a.m to be exact, that I wasn’t sure if it was natural nor healthy for me to be in attendance. (Dr. Amanda Bye can confirm and will agree with everything I say forever and always in case you need a note stating that I should not be doing anything physical before an entire pot of coffee) Not caring about my well being, as usual, she responded with an extremely harsh and violently worded message. In fact it was so bad that due to its graphic nature I must censor to keep this piece of evidence PG. “If you don’t get your %&*^$*# @$$ to class I %&$*#)%& swear I will #*$#*$ your #(*&#&#^#$ up with hill climbs, (@#*$&%* intervals, #$*%(%*$ lactic threshold, and the #$(#$*&#^# #*$%&#(# copper triangle.” You get the point and you can now understand that I had no choice in the matter.
*This next section may not be suitable for younger viewers*
“Resistance all the way up on the bike, hill sprints, squats with kettle balls, hill sprints again, squats with dumbbells, Cyr is a sissy, more sprints, plank, zone 100 Cyr or else, hill sprints again, wall squats, always deeper, don’t breath Cyr, core, core, core, core, core…is that all you have you #($%&#@(@&$% Cyr”
I want you all to know that I did not want to bring this to your attention today for any other reason than to educate you on the real Mean Mama Madison. At the end of road race season I heard talk of the off season and how people eat chips and salsa, drink refreshing adult beverages, and let their bikes collect dust. I feel like my off season is in jeopardy. I feel cheated. I feel betrayed.
What happens if she is allowed to continue I ask you? How long can one person take this abuse? Where has my off season gone?
If you feel like you need a first hand spin class experience with the drill sergeant known as “Mama Madison” I feel it is my civil duty to warn you that your legs will turn into cement blocks, your arms into wet noodles, your core will burn like the fiery pits of hell, and your lungs will burst into a thousand pieces. Yes you may be in amazing shape by the end, and yes she is a great teacher, and yes you will leave feeling like Rocky on the top step of the Philadelphia Art Museum but blah, blah, blah. It’s hard and it hurts and I am sure I will go back for more of this pain and suffering because she makes me.
I rest my case.
-Amanda J Cyr I